I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
