you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
