what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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