hell yes lets make some ravioli
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
