i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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