she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize