The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just threw up on my dentist
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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