Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

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(720): View more from Colorado

i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?

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(480): View more from Arizona

I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.

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(714): View more from California

Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant

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(605): View more from South Dakota

If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?

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