Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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