Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
