so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
