we have officially lost it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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