im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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