i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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