I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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