If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
