You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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