First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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