tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sober January is a disaster.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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