I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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