There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
