You just made me feel so damn special
if i can run in heels then i can drive
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
