Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
worst night to have a conscience
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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