My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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