the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize