I can text with my tongue
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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