i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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