I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Enjoy the penises
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize