Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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