i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize