i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
