i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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