She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
