My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize