i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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