we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
