My room smells like vodka and shame
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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