It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
