You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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