Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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