so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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