I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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