i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
