he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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