it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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