Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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