Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
