There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
