I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
