Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
