She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
