So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
