my mouth tastes like poor choices
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
