She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
