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The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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