Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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