First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
