but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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