My liver just broke up with me...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
