I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize