Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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