i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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