When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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