i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
