pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
