??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
