drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
