Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
