oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
