Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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