apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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