Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
