Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just had sex bonerless
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
