Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
