then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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