I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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